That brief moment, between the inhale and the exhale,

When the world seems to stand still, even if only for a millisecond.

When everything seems to fall away, the discontent, the anger and the

chaos.

The overwhelm, that was filling every crevice in your body, seems to melt

into nothingness.

Allowing the body and breath a moment to settle into silence and stillness;

As the mind calms, just enough to let the crazy thoughts float away on a

cloud.

The to-do list, the should and could, the doubts and shame.

As we come back, over and over again, to the simple PAUSE.

The sensations that were ravaging our bodies and nervous system,

sending the alarm that all was not safe; can now find a moment of peace

and calm, even if only for a millisecond.

The emotions and feelings that keep beckoning us back to those frozen

moments in time.; where memories seemed etched in our soul.

The present, as it merges with the past as we sit and ponder the chaos

and craziness of our life.

The ebb and flow of the chaos, the pendulation between the ups and

downs, sadness and joy.

As our shoulders and hips respond in tightness, tenderness and

Wildfire season 2024 is upon us!

As wildfire ravages the Texas Panhandle, and the Sierra Nevada's are under blizzard conditions, it's hard to even imagine that wildfire season is here. As temperatures begin to rise, relative humidities decrease, and the winds begin to blow, all it takes is one small ignition to bring a wildfire to full force fruition.

Are you ready for wildfire season 2024? As a homeowner, living in the wildland urban interface, have you managed your defensible space around your home and property? Is your GO-BAG ready, with all your important documents, contacts and medications? Do you have a safety plan in place, which includes ensuring that your children and pets will be taken care of in the event that you can't make it home. Do you have an escape route and safety zone? Believe me when I tell you that you need to plan NOW! Don't wait until it's too late, and the flames are beckoning your front door. BE PREPARED!

As a wildland fire responder, what about you? Are you prepared? And not just physically, although your physical fitness is of great importance too, but overall? What about your mental and emotional preparedness? Have you been practicing skills and tools, such as mindfulness, movement, and breathing. Are you finding healthy coping skills that you can use when shit hits the fan? Do you have a plan in place if you, or someone else, might need support in a crisis? Do you have a list of safe, professional resources at your disposal? Do you know how to unwind and destress after a hectic assignment? What else can you do to ensure that you are mitigating your mental and emotional game?

TRUSTING OUR VULNERABLE AND LOVING HEARTS

February is the month of LOVE, starting with Valentine's Day. February also celebrates special birthdays for me, to include my daughter, granddaughter and deceased mother, as represented by the astrological signs of Aquarius and Pisces. Aquarius being an air sign, with characteristics of humanitarians, altruism and wanting to make this world a better place. Whereas Pisces is a water sign, the 12th and final sign of the zodiac chart. Pisceans are selfless, spiritual and dedicated to their personal inner journey.

How do we learn to lean in and trust our hearts, especially when they have been broken. Who hasn't experienced a broken heart at some point in their lives? Whether through loss, rejection, or betrayal; it still hurts like hell. Yet, it's also part of being human; these beautiful organs that keep us alive yet are so sensitive and vulnerable.

February provides an opportunity to listen to the magical language of our hearts, even when it hurts. Sometimes, all our hearts need from us are kind words and self-love, especially when love isn't available elsewhere. This can be particularly challenging when we've experienced heart break, and don't feel safe to trust again. Yet, it's one of the most important things we can learn, self-love! So, how do we do this you may ask?

Have you ever had one of those magical moments, where you locked eyes with a dog, or even a horse? It was as if they could see inside your soul! And I believe that they truly can!

Perhaps you were angry, sad, or even stressed and you came across someone else’s pet, perhaps even a Service Animal. Maybe at an airport, a hospital, an animal shelter or pet store, where the hustle and bustle of other people wreaked havoc on your nervous system. You could feel the immediate effects of the animal, the calming of your nerves, the slowing of your heartrate and busy thoughts, as you stroked the animal’s fur. As the animal provided unconditional presence, not expecting anything from you in return. No judgement, harsh words, anger or shame – just pure compassion and love. Such is the miraculous gift that animals can provide.

This is also known as co-regulation, which lies at the heart of all human relationships. “According to the Polyvagal theory (Dr. Stephen Porges), it is the reciprocal sending and receiving of signals of safety, especially in our Autonomic Nervous System (ANS). It’s not just the absence of danger but also the connection between two nervous systems, each nourishing and regulating the other in the process. Because it is embedded into our evolutionary past, it is not a desire, but a need – one developed to facilitate survival. As humans, we therefore are programmed to seek interpersonal connection; it is a biological imperative.”

Today, I was reminded of the importance of 'Remembering' who we are in this beautiful, yet complicated life. I'm taking an amazing course, from one of my favorite Somatic teachers, Dr. Arielle Schwartz, and today she shared this poem which resonated so much with me:

REMEMBERING by Brigit Anna McNeil

"Remember who you are. Not the shape others have put on you, not the story they handed you, not the lies or needs that were pressed into your psyche. Not even you own imagined ideas of what you should be. But the real you, the wild innate you that is breathing under all those "Should Be's", all those untruths. Remember the feel of it, the shape of it. Let it inhabit you, like golden weeds rewilding the concrete."

I've been struggling lately with feeling that, "I'm not enough; I don't belong, and I really don't matter." However, I know that this is my trauma and grief speaking. That beautiful little girl that spent a childhood and adult life, feeling that way. I always had to be 'bigger than life' to get noticed; be the best athlete, the best cheerleader, the best wildland firefighter, the best friend and the best mother. I learned early on, that as a woman, and a small woman at that, I had to try harder than others to 'fit in', to 'be seen and be heard'. This is a pretty normal response to trauma, especially to many of us that are First Responders.

They’re very few of us, in this human life, that are provided the gift of deep healing, becoming both a tragedy and a triumph for many. We come to know, at a very deep level; that our lives could not be any different. Despite the pain and suffering that we may endure; especially at this time of year, our lives are somehow fabricated to experience this grief, sadness, trauma, and despair. It permeates throughout our existence, seated deep in the roots of our body and soul; until, at which time, our healing journey is forced upon us. We do not surrender easily, we do not succumb to the hopelessness and helplessness that continues to tell us that,

“We are not worthy of healing or love!”

That archaic voice inside our heads that is forever present, screaming words that don’t make any sense at all, as our bodies writhe in pain and illness. This place of surrender and letting go, through movement and breathing, becomes medicine to our psyche; and we don't even realize it. Until we do!

This place of healing, in all its various forms and structures; beckons us to listen to what our body and soul is whispering, gently in our hearts. With every breath comes the expansion of opening our hearts, letting our armor down, even if for a minute; followed by the contraction of venturing inward, allowing our hearts to be still and silent, protected from the viscousness of the world. Learning to trust this process, as it shows up for you; over and over again - in your time and your space; nobody else’s!

“Gratitude is the healthiest of all human emotions.

The more you express gratitude for what you have,

The more likely you will have even more, to express gratitude for.”

~ Zig Zigler

How can we be grateful, especially during these challenging times?

Where can we lean into softness, especially when the hard edges of anger, disappointment, and grief overcome us?

How can we show compassion, especially to those in need of comfort and support.

And, how do we know when we are in need of compassion and kindness?

Let us go into this Thanksgiving week, allowing ourselves to be gentle with all that may be arising;

Let us find the small tidbits of empathy, kindness and love, that are inside us; giving first to ourselves, and letting the remnants scatter into our families, our friends and our communities.

Where can you find gratitude in the simplest of things; the smell of an apple pie, the smiles and laughter, of our families, and our friends, sitting around the Thanksgiving table.

How are you BEING today? In this moment, in this place? What are you allowing to arise? What points of tension, tightness, or discomfort, can you lean into; and yet, still offer acceptance and compassion to all these places? Where is your edge, that place where your body says, "Enough!" What do you notice in those places at your edge?

We, as a society and culture are so accustomed to asking. "How are you doing?" It rolls off the tongue, so easily, without any conscious effort. So habitual! Yet, do most people really want to know how another person is doing? And do they honestly care? Or is it simply a 'nicety', especially in today's society?

As First Responders of any kind, we know Traumatic Stress well. Our bodies are bombarded 24/7/365, with a continual cascade of stress hormones; even when we are not on call. We are fighting a different kind of war, on home soil!

Due to the heightened awareness of our activated nervous system, that is designed to keep us safe and out of harm’s way, we live in this perpetual state of ‘survival’! Wreaking havoc on our minds, bodies, hearts and relationships.

This miraculous system, our autonomic sympathetic nervous system, also known in the Mammalian Limbic System of the brain, inherited from our ancestors, can go ‘awry’ when placed under this continual, perpetual stress. It’s likened to our adrenaline-cortisol pump being stuck in the ON position. Under normal conditions, when our sympathetic nervous system and limbic brain, get activated under duress, things normalize once the stress has subsided, and the threat is over, returning to homeostasis. However, for those of us that are in these high stress occupations, we don’t get that chance to normalize, keeping us in a continual heightened threat response. Thus, the hypervigilance, insomnia, anger, emotional overload, chronic illness, pain and impatience, especially with loved ones, continues. Although most first responders have tours of duty that help provide time for recovery, it seldom happens, as long as we are back in the saddle again, without addressing the traumatic stress adequately. We are always waiting for the ‘alarm to sound’, even on our days off.

The Healing in the Mountains with Movement and Mindfulness Healing Retreat is now a distant memory, etched in our hearts; yet the beginning of something really special. It seemed like just yesterday, that I first started to envision this retreat, primarily geared for our fellow first responders, hoping to provide healing space, alongside my best friend, Michelle. What started as a small ember, became a full raging inferno of ideas.

Originally, the retreat was planned for March 2023, and then bumped to August 2023, finally landing on October 23-25, 2023. Part of the reasoning was to ensure that our fellow wildland firefighters could attend, with fire season and lay-offs, ending by end of September. I think that both of us envisioned a very calm, and nurturing environment, in which we could hold safe and sacred space, for anyone needing the time for self-care and reflection. Because we had been teaching these kinds of workshops together for years, and due to our own healing, we both felt passionate to pay it forward.

As things happen, especially with first responders, it all started to unravel, not long before the retreat. We were then faced with the dilemma of cancelling or moving forward – knowing that something was better than nothing. The decision was made to cut the retreat a day, and to minimize resources. And it all fell together nicely, and quite synchronistic! It was validated by a friend, and fellow first responder, by saying,

When we look at our lives, through the lens of traumatic stress, it's important to understand that this can easily lead to imbalances in our autonomic nervous system. This ANS system was designed specifically to protect us, especially in the midst of danger. It has an amazing wisdom that keeps us safe, and alive - ultimate survival. But what happens when this system goes rogue, these imbalances left unaddressed, especially in our somatic body.

It is well researched that this unaddressed traumatic stress will manifest in the body, leading to physical, mental and emotional health issues, if not properly dealt with. Everything from anxiety, depression, and post-traumatic stress; to addictions. Much of this may have started with early childhood and developmental trauma, things like neglect, shame, and abandonment. And although there is not one person that has not experienced the likes of traumatic stress; according to Peter Levine, PhD, and creator of Somatic Experiencing, the important thing is HOW we reacted to this traumatic stress. Perhaps, as a young child, we witnessed a terrible event; only to be shamed and ridiculed, being told to '"suck it up", not being allowed to process and feel our emotions. Then, on the other hand, perhaps that same child, was comforted and nurtured after the event, being assured that "everything would be all right." That made all the difference in the world for that child, and their ANS was able to feel safe, feel heard, and feel seen.

We hope that you'll join us for this amazing Healing Retreat, coming up October 23 - 26, 2023 in the beautiful mountains of southern New Mexico. This retreat is for anyone who is dealing with stress, trauma and/or grief and could use some time to relax and recharge. We are especially hoping to attract First Responders and Veteran's, as the retreat will be held at Healing Americas Heroes retreat center, in Fort Stanton, N.M.

Facilitated by experts, who are also peers, you will be surrounded by nature, in this beautiful healing environment, on the Bonita River. Along with having 3 home cooked meals a day, the healing opportunities will include: Trauma Safe Somatic Movement, Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction, Forest Therapy, Medicine Wheel, Healing with Horses and lots of time for sharing and reflection.

This will be a special time where you can feel safe, feel heard and seen, where we can all be BRAVE together! WE do hope that you will consider joining us for this perfect opportunity to practice self-care. Even if you only choose to do minimal modalities, that is perfect! Because this time is all about YOU!

Please reach out if you should have any questions and pass this along to anyone that might find this refuge healing. Thank you!

Welcome to BodySense Wellness! One-stop shopping for all things; health, wellness, fitness, coaching and trauma healing. I'm so glad that you found your way here, and it's my intention to provide you with the most recent information and healing tools that will best fit your needs. Whether a person just looking for health, fitness and wellness advice, or a first responder dealing with traumatic stress and grief; it's my wish to help you find what works best for you.

As a former Wildland Firefighter, Fitness and Wellness Specialist, Elite Athlete and Mom, I know the rigors of dealing with traumatic stress and grief, sometimes on a daily basis. I know what it feels like to have your nervous system in disarray. I also know what it has taken to get me through the really dark times, to feel glimmers of light again. And I know what it takes to be fit and healthy, even for those of us who find ourselves in the midst of chaos. There is always hope!

May you find what you're looking for, here, in my website, and know that I am always here to hold safe space for YOU. Be sure to check out the Resources Page, and share, as needed. To your health, wellness and healing!