Today, I was reminded of the importance of 'Remembering' who we are in this beautiful, yet complicated life. I'm taking an amazing course, from one of my favorite Somatic teachers, Dr. Arielle Schwartz, and today she shared this poem which resonated so much with me:

REMEMBERING by Brigit Anna McNeil

"Remember who you are. Not the shape others have put on you, not the story they handed you, not the lies or needs that were pressed into your psyche. Not even you own imagined ideas of what you should be. But the real you, the wild innate you that is breathing under all those "Should Be's", all those untruths. Remember the feel of it, the shape of it. Let it inhabit you, like golden weeds rewilding the concrete."

I've been struggling lately with feeling that, "I'm not enough; I don't belong, and I really don't matter." However, I know that this is my trauma and grief speaking. That beautiful little girl that spent a childhood and adult life, feeling that way. I always had to be 'bigger than life' to get noticed; be the best athlete, the best cheerleader, the best wildland firefighter, the best friend and the best mother. I learned early on, that as a woman, and a small woman at that, I had to try harder than others to 'fit in', to 'be seen and be heard'. This is a pretty normal response to trauma, especially to many of us that are First Responders.

I was recently provided a photograph taken in 2002, when I was working as the Lead Field Coordinator for the Southwest Fire Use Training Academy, where I'm standing on a table, talking to the firefighters, which were primarily men. Most of my wildland career was spent this way; having to play BIG, or STRONG, in order to get their attention and fit in. I used to have to first humble my comrades, by outdoing them in push-ups or planks, in order to get their attention, and then stand on a freaking table to BE SEEN and HEARD!

I REMEMBER!!

So today, I am REMEMBERING my way home, back to myself; that amazing girl that has grown up to be an amazing woman - healer - wife - friend - sister - aunt - and most importantly, an amazing mother, and Grandmother! I am letting this inhabit me like 'golden weeds rewilding the concrete', breaking through old stigmas and conditioning from years of trauma and grief. Letting myself be SEEN, be HEARD and BEING ENOUGH! And also, letting myself be exactly where I need to be, in this moment, exactly as I'm showing up with all my emotions and feelings! And knowing that I don't have to stand on a table or play BIG anymore!

My wish for you today, is to take a few minutes, in silence and stillness, breathing and anchoring into your body, as you feel safe enough - to remember your way home!

REMEMBER:

YOU ARE WORTHY!

YOU ARE ENOUGH!

YOU MATTER!

YOU ARE LOVED!

And so, it is! NAMASTE'