Have you ever had one of those magical moments, where you locked eyes with a dog, or even a horse? It was as if they could see inside your soul! And I believe that they truly can!

Perhaps you were angry, sad, or even stressed and you came across someone else’s pet, perhaps even a Service Animal. Maybe at an airport, a hospital, an animal shelter or pet store, where the hustle and bustle of other people wreaked havoc on your nervous system. You could feel the immediate effects of the animal, the calming of your nerves, the slowing of your heartrate and busy thoughts, as you stroked the animal’s fur. As the animal provided unconditional presence, not expecting anything from you in return. No judgement, harsh words, anger or shame – just pure compassion and love. Such is the miraculous gift that animals can provide.

This is also known as co-regulation, which lies at the heart of all human relationships. “According to the Polyvagal theory (Dr. Stephen Porges), it is the reciprocal sending and receiving of signals of safety, especially in our Autonomic Nervous System (ANS). It’s not just the absence of danger but also the connection between two nervous systems, each nourishing and regulating the other in the process. Because it is embedded into our evolutionary past, it is not a desire, but a need – one developed to facilitate survival. As humans, we therefore are programmed to seek interpersonal connection; it is a biological imperative.”

For humans, especially those of us who have experienced traumatic stress, this connection, between our ANS and another safe ANS, becomes nourishing and calming, especially when our traumatic stress is relational at the core. We all have experienced one form, or other, of relational trauma; whether through abuse, betrayal, rejection, abandonment, or even Covid; we feel it at our core, the wounds deep and profound. For many of us, we may not feel safe in the presence of other human beings and don’t trust anyone or anything. Somehow, these amazing animals can cut right through the armoring, sending our injured nervous systems signals of safety, trust, compassion, kindness, and most important – LOVE. Being in the presence of a safe and nurturing animal, can work wonders in healing our hearts and our souls, while regulating our sensitive nervous system.

Let me share a story about my good friend Sunny, and her Service Dog, Spirit. You talk about the epitome of healing traumatic stress. Sunny runs an organization in Ruidoso, NM, called Animal Village NM, and has her trusting Service dog, Spirit, always by her side. A few years back, Sunny was called to rescue stray ‘Rez’ dogs on the Mescalero Reservation, close to Ruidoso. Her heart broke every time that she witnessed these animals in desperate need of love and healing. She saw every possible injustice – burned and maimed, starving, and sick and injured animals. She knew that she had to do something to help save these beautiful animals and was called to action. What she didn’t realize, at the time, was that one of these dogs, (Mountain) Spirit, would become her faithful companion, helping to heal her post traumatic stress and broken heart.

She shared Spirit’s amazing story of being abandoned on the reservation, left to die, and almost impossible to capture. But Sunny didn’t give up on Spirit. Instead, she would go to the reservation every single day, leaving food for him, until the time that she was able to safely and humanely capture him. Once she had Spirit in captivity, it took her another year to gain his trust. She would hand feed Spirit every day, until the time, that he finally started to trust Sunny and know that she was there to help. Spirit’s nervous system was so injured and in disarray, that he was unable to calm down enough to trust Sunny. Yet, through Sunny’s determination and love of Spirit, that time came, and Sunny was able to coregulate Spirit’s nervous system.

Eventually, leading Sunny to establish Spirit as a Service Animal, through years of training and dedication. However, the interesting part of this story, is that Sunny didn’t realize, at the time, that Spirit was actually providing coregulation of Sunny’s nervous system too. Due to all the time spent trying to save animals and seeing the accompanying atrocities, she didn’t realize that she too, had developed post-traumatic stress. In fact, Sunny had shared with me that the main reason that she was determined to make Spirit a Service Animal is because no one would adopt Spirit, due to her ‘wildness’, and his trauma story. So, Sunny wanted to prove everyone wrong, not realizing the gift that Spirit was providing her, at the same time. Sunny ‘didn’t know, what she didn’t know, until she knew’.

Now, Sunny and Spirit can be found everywhere, side by side, true and trusted companions, bonded in a way that no one else can understand. The power of safe companionship, through coregulation! Spirit is now the icon of post traumatic growth, showing how someone, or something, can withstand the burdens of incredible trauma and still use it, as a gift to help others. The power of having an animal help to heal our deepest wounds, is incredible medicine. Most people with traumatic stress, are oftentimes the last ones to think that they need help or healing. It’s much easier to distract ourselves, sometimes through busyness or maladaptive coping mechanisms, rather than turn our awareness to our own needs. This is the power of using animals to help regulate our nervous systems. You don’t need to be traumatized either; you can simply be stressed, or even relaxed while still benefitting from the love that animals provide.

This really hit home for me, personally, this last month, as we lost our beloved Delta dog the week of Thanksgiving. Delta had been adopted out of a litter, back in the fall of 2012, by my son. She was a beautiful Alaskan Malamute. And as it happens with our grown kids, he soon went off to college, leaving Delta with my husband and I. My husband and Delta immediately formed an incredible bond, my husband being a Vietnam Combat Veteran. Delta was diagnosed with severe hip Dysplasia during her first year of life, however, we choose to treat her holistically, rather than the recommended invasive surgery. So, my husband was on a mission, walking Delta almost every day, by his side, for the next 10 years. They were bonded, and inseparable, both providing the love and coregulation that each other needed, without realizing it.

As I was healing through my devastating complex post-traumatic stress, from being a wildland firefighter for 35 years, Delta was always there to provide unconditional support, compassion and love. She was the most intuitive and gentle animal that I have ever known, always knowing when I needed a hug, or gentle nudge. We could calm each other down, with just a few minutes of hugging, and breathing, nothing more. She did the same for my husband, until the time that she developed Diabetes and blindness, yet, she still walked with my husband every single day, until she could no longer walk. Leaving us to make that devastating decision, the week of Thanksgiving. Up until her last breath, she provided that unconditional love, as we provided to her. Her loss will be forever etched in our hearts, as will her amazing gift of coregulation, love, and healing.

So, the next time that you see Sunny and Spirit, stop and get some loving, while also thanking them both for their incredible service. Take whatever opportunities you have, to love on your own pets, or other pets, knowing the gifts that they are providing your nervous system and heart, even if you aren’t aware of it. Especially those that are affected by traumatic stress (post-traumatic stress, complex post-traumatic stress), grief, or chronic illness; the healing that an animal can provide is magical! Check out and consider supporting Sunny and Spirit’s incredible organization, Animal Village NM Pet Rescue| Rescue Transport| No Kill Shelter| Ruidoso, NM | Animal Village NM. There are so many ways that you can support the cause to save and support animals, especially during the holidays. Perhaps even the consideration of adopting an animal that needs a Forever Home, for yourself, or someone else that might need a little bit of coregulation and loving that an animal can provide.